- Dennis Collins
We were sitting on the patio when the screaming started!
My girlfriend and I were having dinner and drinks with another couple enjoying a wonderful evening on the patio when suddenly cursing and screaming came from a female voice three tables down.
It was a little confusing at first then we realized one woman was standing screaming and cursing at another woman sitting at the adjacent table. It became obvious pretty quickly that it could go to blows so I readjusted my chair since the spectacle was behind me and I really thought I might as well enjoy the show as I'm far enough away we won't get involved.
The woman being screamed at stood up and as they got closer the screaming got louder and this is what I noticed it both women were at a table with a man.
These men were did something amazing -- both men kept their mouths shut and didn't get involved.
They added no energy to the embarrassing emotional behavior. The table next to the screamer realized it might get physical and they actually got up and left the patio area. At this point I was wondering where is the manager?
Truthfully, I shouldn't admit this, I was kind of looking forward to the brawl that was about to happen thought it would be good entertainment. That's when the woman being screamed at sat back down and the loud mouth aggressor said “that's right that sit your ass back down bitch” and that's when she popped back up.
Right before the fight started the manager came out before they got to blows.
The manager separated couples I'm not sure if he threw them out of the restaurant or not he should have but he calmed the situation down, quieted them down, sent one couple inside and talked to the outside couple then went and talked to the couple with the loudmouth who started it all.
She had perceived a slight from the other woman that is what set her off. Then both tables were empty and the offending parties were gone!
The valuable lesson that I teach guys all the time is if your wife or girlfriend is having an emotionally upset moment/fight/outburst/episode---whatever you want to call it.
Don't add energy to an emotional situation.
This means do not try to justify or explain anything -- you're using your logical brain and she's in an emotional state nothing good is going to come from that all you're going to do is anger her more.
Somehow these two guys knew to keep their mouth shut. If they would have tried to say “hey babe lower your voice” or “there no need to yell” the anger would have been directed at them instead of this other individual for a perceived slight.
Guys we do this all the time! We have an upset girlfriend or wife and we try to explain, we try to justify, we try to use logic when she’s in a highly emotional state.
It's basically trying to calm a situation down where the two parties speak a different language.
First just listen, not to respond but to understand. Keep your voice calm ask clarifying questions then listen to what they're saying and what's upsetting them. If you see they start to circle back and start repeating themselves, or are just so upset they can barely speak you may need to end the conversation with the promise to revisit it at a later time when you've had a chance to think about it.