- Dennis Collins
Stop saying "I want more intimacy!"
Telling, complaining, whining to your wife or girlfriend that you want more intimacy is one of the most unattractive and repulsive things you can do with a woman.
First it shows that you're not in charge of the romance department, you haven't been running it like you're supposed to.
It also shows that you don't understand intimacy.
I want more intimacy is nice guy, needy guy code for we haven't had sex in a long time I want more sex.
The problem isn't the lack of sex, it is the lack of intimacy and connection in the relationship. From this one symptom is lack of sex. Sex is but one step on the staircase of intimacy.
As a men's coach I have seen and teach that if you focus on connection, and intimacy with your partner, guess what you wouldn't be complaining about lack of sex. And it is not just that they have more sex, when they have a deeply intimate relationship, (and they do) they're connected and the sex is better. You could have sex only two or three times a month. If it is with a partner who you have a deep connection and amazing intimacy you will be satisfied.
I have had three men in the last three weeks reach out to thank me for helping them with the turnaround of their sex life and the improvement in their sex life. Technically there were four calls as one guy called twice.
So what are the keys to a deeply intimate and connected relationship?
You need to lead the romance department. If you have abdicated this role it will take time to correct.
Date your wife. Ideally weekly, minimum twice a month. All to often men stop dating thier wife after they are married. Big mistake.
Be the fun flirty guy. Remember foreplay for Friday or Saturday night begins on Monday.
Listen when she is talking to you.......and hear the emotion behind the words.
If you think intimacy and sex are the same thing, well you are part of the problem. I am including a link to the Staircase of Intimacy podcast I did with coach Jeff Allen. If you are struggling in the bedroom in your relationship you should invest in yourself and learn more about intimacy.
Feel free to reach out if you want to talk about this issue.