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  • Dennis Collins

I feel guilty about......

Is a statement that is a pretty common phrase for the guys the men’s groups I belong to when it comes to doing things with other men or doing things for themselves.


The irony is that these are the activities that help them become better men. Great Men.


Doing things for yourself is not selfish unless the only focus in your life is yourself. One of the ways to help minimize this guilt is to be sure you are fully present and engaged when you're with your family and wife.


This means not being enslaved every beep ding and notification on your phone. How about you put that phone down and actually play with your kids! The phones and apps are made to be addicting. This addiction is more prevalent than heroin addiction.


Take 10 minutes and turn off all the social media notifications.


My phone makes no noise when I receive texts.


When is the last time you received a legitimate emergency text?


The reality is if we are truly present with our loved ones, we bring a higher value, better version of ourselves to the table.


When we do this, as we are also letting our wives or significant others have their time, there should be no reason to feel guilty when you make time for yourself.


Should you feel guilty about taking care of yourself and doing things with other men?


No.


However, ask yourself am I being a jerk about how you do it? Are you waiting to the last minute to tell her about plans you made? Not cool. But if you are looking at the family calendar and factoring in the family and the wife in planning my needs there is nothing wrong with that.


If you inform her today about plans 10 days from now, and if at the last minute she throws a fit what should you do? Keep your plans, her forgetting does not mean you change your plans, regardless of how mad she gets. Go do what you had planned. You can say “sorry you forgot babe” but you had plans made and you will see her when you get back.


Some guys have a weekly get together with buddies, others every other weekend to go along with monthly poker games. If you are taking care of business at home there is no reason to feel guilt.


You are allowed to have an amazing life. Now go do it!

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