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  • Dennis Collins

I am going to call myself out before Jeff does!

Recently one of my fellow coaches Jeff Allen called me out for playing small. I would love to deny it and say how he was wrong but he was spot on.


In a recent article titled "How I Handled My Latest Shit Test" I played it safe. I was discussing how I handled it and he said he felt like I did not make it as good as it could have been, and pulled some punches. Had I included my internal dialogue in my head he felt it could have been a much better article. He was right on all counts. Truth is I did play it safe because I didn't know if my girlfriend reads my articles.

Now I'm sure she doesn't or I would have heard something about that article I have no doubt.


I'm here to confess as coaches we still have the same challenges all of you have in our relationships it's just that were some of you go into a funk for days we realize our behavior sometimes in minutes and snap out of it quicker. We are in no way perfect, maybe just more aware.


I also have another confession to make I played small again last night in a conversation with my girlfriend over dinner. She asked how coaching was going and I admit I was bragging a little bit about one man I am coaching who is just kicking ass. Life for him is great! He is making great progress and I was discussing the importance of doing things with other men and your buddies and making sure that you make time with your male friends a priority when she said that you can't do that when you have young kids. I pointed out that yes you can.


Then she said: "that's not normal, especially when you have young kids."


That's not normal! That means what is normal is:

  • Not being true to yourself.

  • Isolating yourself from your friends.

  • A 50 plus percent divorce rate.

  • Being buried in debt.

  • And often being miserable.


Who reading this wants normal?


I sure don't. Trust me normal sucks.


She was wrong but I let the conversation die as I took another bite of my enchilada.


It did help me understand the issue she has with my solo trips, she doesn't think it's normal. Now in my defense, anybody who knows me well does not use the word normal to describe me!


Did I play small? Maybe I did as in about 3 weeks my girlfriend and I with two other couples are going to Ireland for 11 days. We have an amazing trip planned and I don't want to rock the boat before we go.


Should I have entered into a debate as I disagreed with her? Maybe, but I also know that she is not going to change her mind so what would be the point. On this, we will not agree, so I can leave it alone, or disagree with her with no real potential positive outcome.


Maybe that is playing small, maybe that is being wise, either way, I know what results we see when men make time to spend with their male friends. They become better men, fathers, and husbands. Trust me none of them are going to go back to being normal!

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