How to destroy your relationship with your daughterApr 23, 2019
I don’t typically get angry. But it happened today when I least expected it.
A friend told me her ex husband TEXTED his daughter who is a high school senior during the school day that he will not be able to attend her graduation because he has a business trip. This just pissed me off.
Because I believe fathers have a greater responsibility to their children than texting in a lame RSVP for the most important parts of their lives.
I am aware his relationship was already strained with his daughter. She is a great young lady and, without a doubt, strong willed. She is a teenage girl and being a strong father is challenging. I speak from personal experience.
The problems did not begin with this text. This is a dad whose daughter competes in an athletic program and qualified for state multiple years. He did not go to watch her compete at the state tournament. WTF! Nothing would have kept me from seeing my son when he wrestled at state. This guy has never made it a priority to go to any of her meets. He has always chosen work over family.
His key problem is he does not have the balls to stand up to his daughter. Is it easy? No. Would she respect him? Yes. Would he enjoy the time they spent together? Sometimes. But showing up is half the challenge in a relationship. You cannot build a relationship with someone if you are never there or are too insecure to be present with them.
He has his head so far up his ass he can’t see the light. No balls. It puts him in a challenging spot. He has a younger daughter who he will spend time with, but his whiny pathetic behaviors when with her is straining that relationship as well. Sadly he is just clueless to it. How long will it be before she tells him to go to hell or stops wanting to be around him period? I give it 18 months…maximum.
I believe when your kid starts their senior year in high school a dad should mark graduation day on his calendar. He probably should have done it at the end of their junior year. We shouldn’t need to be told this. We do not miss our kids’ high school graduation. End of discussion.
For example, when my wife was undergoing chemo I was told I had to attend a meeting with our largest client. It was a 10 million dollar deal regarding an expansion of our services to them.
They wanted to meet on the day my wife was to have chemo. I said no. I hit “reply all” on the email to the client stating that my wife was having chemo that day and was not available to meet. I informed them I could do the day before or another week.
The COO was not happy and made it clear. I did not give a fuck. Priorities. I had a boundary that I was not willing to cross. I also felt confident enough in the value I brought to the company. As I type this I know if he ordered me to go I would have laughed at him. My boss and the CEO would have had my back. It was a non-negotiable.
There are some jobs that require you to work on holidays like nurses and first responders. This guy who missed his daughter’s graduation is in IT. We are not talking about having to work on Christmas. This is his oldest daughter’s graduation! This is not how a man acts. This is how a lost, foolish man acts.
When his daughter is getting married will he be shocked if she does not want him to walk her down the aisle? When she has children will he be confused why he will be the last one to know and will probably find out second hand?
The question all men must ask is, “What is most important to me?” Where do you place your priorities with respect to your work? Your marriage? Your kids?
Where are your boundaries?
What is non-negotiable for you when it comes to attending your kids’ events? In my world, I never miss playoffs. I never miss state. And I sure as hell don’t miss their HS graduation.
What legacy are you going to create for your children? Leave a legacy your kids would be proud of. Show up, be there for them.