Causes Behind Sexless MarriagesMar 21, 2023
Previously I discussed how sexless marriages have been on the rise in recent decades, leaving couples feeling frustrated and unsatisfied with their relationships. Although it is difficult to accurately measure the rate of sexless marriages studies show a range from 15-25% rate of sexless couples.
So what is causing this trend? One factor could be that more people are getting married later in life, with both partners bringing pre-existing relationships and work commitments into their marriage. Long working hours, time spent with children, or simply a lack of desire can all lead to less time for physical intimacy. Other issues such as financial stress, depression, and anxiety can also decrease libido, leading to sexless marriages.
What are some of the leading causes of sexless marriage:
· Kids – Nothing kills intimacy more than small children
· Failure to nurture and grow connection and intimacy
· Men who stop dating their wives
Once you have children it changes the couple’s relationship dynamic. Their focus shifts from each other to the child. In addition, some moms make the mistake to prioritize being a parent over being a wife.
One of the primary reasons that having children contributes to a sexless marriage is the physical and emotional exhaustion that comes with parenthood. Raising children is demanding and time-consuming which often leaves little energy or desire for intimacy. Being sleep-deprived and stressed will negatively impact your libido.
Like anything else you need to be intentional. When there are small kids that means planning time away from them. Men you need to still plan a date night, this is where you grow intimacy and connection.
“I’m married I don’t need to date my wife.” I know many men, now divorced, who said this out loud. Yet these very men were often upset there was no intimacy in the relationship.
“It’s hard with small kids.” Yes, it is, but because something is hard it does not mean you don’t have to do it.
Men, it is your responsibility to run the romance department as Dr. Glover says. This means planning the date night, including getting a babysitter. It was on dates you got to know your wife, fell in love, and grew intimacy and connection. You cannot stop tending to this part of your relationship and expect it to just continue without issues.
Finally, certain cultural beliefs and stigmas surrounding sex may put off some couples from openly expressing themselves both sexually and emotionally within their marriage. Issues such as inadequate knowledge -sex education are nonexistent in the US and most of Europe. Religious beliefs and family also contribute to sexual shame, a lack of sexual activity, and the inability to even talk about sex.
So how can sexless marriages be fixed? Firstly couples must talk openly about their feelings without judgment so that any underlying issues can be addressed. Couples should take time out of their busy schedules for themselves; whether it’s weekly date nights or taking turns doing activities with children so that both parties get quality time together away from distractions.
While sexless marriages are becoming increasingly common they do not have to be, and in my mind should not be seen as normal-they are not. Men if intimacy has been dying off in your relationship YOU have to lead the change you want to see in your marriage.
We help men every week with improving themselves, and their communication and reignite their passion within their relationships. But this starts with each man making sure he is showing up as a grounded, confident, unapologetically masculine man in the relationship.
If you need help with this reach out to me at [email protected] or find me on My Mentor Page. A Mentoring Journey with Dennis Collins | Mentoring Men